And You Wonder Why They Don't Have Girlfriends?
by Strangely Sirius
Summary: A quick oneshot concerning the lives of teenage guys... Harry and Ron play poker, play Halo, are perverts, and eat, just like the rest of their race. Enjoy! Written before HBP, so it's AU, not that it really matters.


Please note: This is a collaboration with my best friend Katie (Black Is The New Pink).

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I am not brilliant, imaginative, and wonderful in everyway, so therefore you can conclude that I am not J. K. Rowling

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Harry laid down his cards.

"Full house. That beats your two pair, Ron."

As he gather up his winnings, (5 galleons, 14 sickles, and 2 knuts) Ron glared at him vehemently.

"There's something seriously screwed up with this, mate. Twenty games of poker, and you've won all of 'em! Besides, these cards are boring. They don't even explode. Let's go play Halo. At least with that you can kill things."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Fine! Be that way. First to kill a hundred gets thirty galleons."

Ron nodded in agreement as they threw down the incredible un-exploding cards. "Just a thought, Harry, how am I ever going to pay for that if I lose? Because I invariably will, seeing as Halo is a muggle game and I've never even heard of it before."

This received an inquisitive look from Harry. "Er… Not to be rude or anything, but then how come you could mention it in the first place?"

Ron looked at him like this was the stupidest question in the world, simply because the author couldn't explain Harry's acute observation away.

They entered the Common Room to find Hermione and Ginny immersed in the latest drama of General Hospital.

"Hey!" Ron said intelligently.

"Shut up!" Hermione squealed. "The new doctor just walked on and he's completely gorgey!"

"Oh, I know," Ginny gasped. They fan girl screamed. Hermione and Ginny that is.

Harry stood very perplexed throughout this entire exchange. "How come there's a TV in here?'

The other three glared at him, since the author is having trouble plugging up all her plot holes.

"And isn't General Hospital an American show?"

Continued glares. The author decides that even though there are so many plot holes in this story the only water it could hold is ice, she doesn't really give a damn.

"Hermione, how come you're so stupid?"

She tried to look appalled and failed dismally. "Why, Harry! Isn't it obvious? This stupid author isn't J. K. Rowling!"

Everyone in the room excepting Hermione, made a Home Alone face.

"Since she has no idea what is in _Hogwarts: A History_…"

This provoked facepalms on the parts of Harry and Ron.

"…She has decided to simply leave it out of the story and make me a hopelessly naïve Mary Sue!"

"Really?" Ron started in surprise. "I pegged you as more of a first female president type of person."

"Don't be silly, Ronald. It's not as if I have the brains for that."

Ron became more confused than usual. And that's saying something.

Harry became even more confused than Ron. 'What the bloody hell is a president?' Of course he thought this to himself. If he had said is out loud, the author would have had to at least attempted to explain.

"Ah, screw it," he muttered. "Look, can me an' Ron play Halo?"

"That would be Ron and I, Harry," Ginny corrected sweetly.

"What? I want to play too!" He responded indignantly.

Ron turned to Ginny. "What are you talking about? I don't want to play with you!"

'Hey- that's not a bad idea.' The author will now skip ahead in time a few seconds in order to avoid having to describe what Harry then thought. "You perv, Ron!" he exclaimed. "How you even think of doing that with your sister!"

Ron spluttered.

Ginny slapped Harry.

Harry entered momentary shock because Ginny Weasley had touched him.

Hermione glanced at Ron seductively.

"I'll play with you."

Ron spluttered.

Ginny dragged Hermione out of the room.

Harry was still in shock.

Hermione could be heard laughing manically in the distance.

Ron kept spluttering.

"Erm… Let's play then, shall we?"

Ron inched slowly away from Harry.

'Note to self: Never use the word 'play' around Ron EVER AGAIN!'

Sighing, Harry rephrased his question. "Would you like to take part in the gaming experience?"

Ron stopped moving away and examined Harry suspiciously. "Why the hell are you talking like that?"

Rolling his eyes, Harry plugged in the X-Box.

"Hey! Where'd you get the X-Box?"

"Oh." Harry glanced at the ugly black box now sitting next to the TV. "I bought it just for the sake of playing Halo. That's the only reason anyone ever buys one of these. Playstation 2 is much better. You can play Kingdom Hearts on it."

"Dude- that's a chick game."

The author feels insulted by Ron's comment, but continues blowing kisses at Sora anyway.

Harry vaguely wondered why the author is dragging all of these weird characters into the story but is quickly distracted by the large amount of junk food that miraculously appeared right next to him.

So he and Ron sat around eating a disgusting amount of food in a disgusting manner while killing as many virtual things as possible. The author would describe how they killing these virtual things, but quite frankly,she has never played Halo in her life.

And you wonder why they don't have girlfriends?

* * *

A/N: This is our first story. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, and by the off chance that you actually like this story, we would like to know that too. 


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